Exploring the Zeus and Hera Instincts: A Reflection on Reciprocity and Connection. (Part 5 of the 6-part ‘Chivalry and Endearment’ article series).
Image: Madonna and Child, by Gentileschi, circa 1612 (Creative Commons)
This is the fifth in a series of articles by Dr Dobransky covering the phases of Sexual, Emotional, and Intellectual Attraction. The previous articles in the series can be found here, here, here, and here.
Men often find themselves instinctively inclined to serve others due to what is commonly referred to as the Protector/Provider-Zeus Instinct. However, this inclination does not imply an endless willingness to engage in one-sided or uncompensated actions, where the arrangement feels perpetual and unjust.
In terms of reciprocity, the Zeus Instinct—symbolic of the act of providing and protecting—requires acknowledgment and appreciation. This appreciation is expressed through the affectionate and supportive nature of the Hera Instinct, as depicted in various narratives.
This exchange should not be perceived merely as a transaction but rather as a dance, akin to a courtship. If either partner falters, withholds affection, or excessively dominates the interaction, the delicate balance of the dance is disrupted, leading to a disjointed performance and potential breakdown of the relationship.
The interplay of endearment and effort encapsulates the essence of love and passion, uniting masculine energy (embodied by Zeus) and feminine essence (represented by Hera) into a harmonious partnership. In the initial stages of human courtship, as I elaborate elsewhere, these energies converge towards mutual attachment, underpinned by the evolutionary manifestation of "endearment," an innate feminine instinct toward the masculine.
Their interactions, characterized by passion and the joy of endearment towards each other, epitomize the core of love, which is defined on Romantipedia.com as "mutually uplifting each other's self-esteem and fostering happiness."
Heraldic Chivalry, by Mucha
Exploring how the Hera and Zeus Instincts shape individual dignity and psychological identity at a cultural level transcends mere explanation; it should be embraced with shared curiosity by individuals of all backgrounds.
“…the ancient Greeks seemed to unravel centuries ago what contemporary understanding now identifies as the primal instincts of masculinity and femininity.”
Employing Greek mythology allows me to articulate insights related to primitive instincts, which are also recognized in Jungian and Evolutionary Psychology, despite the temporal and cultural distinctions among them. While alternative mythologies—such as Ancient Chinese, Hindu, Mayan, or Norse beliefs—could serve a similar purpose, my expertise primarily lies within Greek mythology, intricately woven into modern storytelling and cinematic masterpieces.
Returning to Greek mythology, we encounter the gods of Olympus, including Zeus, who symbolizes the male instinct of protection and provision. In their wisdom, the ancient Greeks seemed to unravel centuries ago what contemporary understanding now identifies as the primal instincts of masculinity and femininity.
These are biologically sex-based instincts that govern not only general communication styles and the nuances of romantic courtship (which is the focus of my life’s work) but also influence everything from consumer spending patterns to political affiliations.
Endearment and Chivalry Are Mutually Dependent
Reflecting on the world's current state, I pondered the enduring bond between a man and a woman in love—the most resilient connection throughout human history.
In the midst of rush hour traffic at the week's end, engrossed in a phone conversation with a friend discussing the news and ongoing events, a moment of contemplation arose when he posed a thought-provoking question: What single experience encapsulates what seems absent in today's world?
Inwardly, I delved into memories of various life stages, mirroring the prevailing cultural atmosphere—a sense of manhood, an intangible essence.
Navigating through a tide of unsettling reflections, marked by rampant dishonor, ingratitude, and a fundamental lack of mutual understanding even in the simplest aspects of life where our differences subtly emerge, I grappled with these notions.
“…somewhere in his first days, the newborn male experiences the gentle caress of a woman's fingers on his scalp, fostering a sense of deep relaxation and euphoria. This fleeting sensation becomes a quest for a lifetime …The pursuit of such profound connection and tenderness is becoming scarce in modern relationships …rooted in the waning appreciation for ‘endearment’”
Amidst this mental voyage, a poignant fragment of my past experience surfaced, evoking unexpected tears. It was a rare, profoundly emotional memory—one where a woman tenderly ran her fingers through my hair.
Recalling the scene, I envisioned possibly being in a female barber's chair, engaged in casual chatter about her day while noticing a distinct pause, interrupted by the novel sensation of her gentle touch upon my scalp.
This touch, which was nothing more than a #2 clipper setting, evoked an uncanny blend of unfamiliarity and solace that lingered momentarily.
The peculiarity of the incident struck a chord within me. It had been a considerable span since someone ran their fingers through my hair, massaged my scalp, and how much we may overlook the sense of well-being and comfort this brings.
At some point in every boy's life, he has felt his mother's touch—be it during the painful ordeal of birth or in the bliss that follows once he emerges into the world. Even if it happens just once, that initial stroke of his mother's hand on his head leaves a profound imprint on his being.
From that moment onward, the path diverges. Regardless of the circumstances—the mother's nature, challenges, or any adversities—somewhere in his first days, the newborn male experiences the gentle caress of a woman's fingers on his scalp, fostering a sense of deep relaxation and euphoria.
This fleeting sensation becomes a quest for a lifetime, a search through the societal deserts for that primal touch that marked the beginning of his existence, a touch that seems increasingly elusive in today's world. Should the search extend too long, the memory might dim until, unexpectedly, it resurfaces, perhaps in the solace of a barber's chair.
The pursuit of such profound connection and tenderness is becoming scarce in modern relationships—fading in the realm of casual dating and even in many marriages. The erosion seems rooted in the waning appreciation for "endearment" and the values associated with the Hera Instinct in Western society, overshadowed by prevailing anti-Zeus ideologies and beliefs.
The 5th and final part of this series of five articles follows soon…
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Disclaimer: This article is for information purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, legal advice, or other professional opinion. Never disregard such advice because of this article or anything else you have read from the Centre for Male Psychology. The views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of, or are endorsed by, The Centre for Male Psychology, and we cannot be held responsible for these views. Read our full disclaimer here.
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Paul Dobransky
Dr Paul Dobransky is a psychiatrist based in the US, specializing in the psychology of love, work, and character growth. He is author of the book, The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love, from Penguin/Plume. Dr. Paul’s Substack.