Light from the dark. The starting of Talk Club.
Hi, my name’s Ben Akers and I’m a CEO of a charity I didn’t mean to start.
In fact, thinking almost nothing about this journey was intentional.
It was more reactionary, to things that happened. And needed to be done.
Where do I begin? I suppose I should begin with suicide. I hate the word. I hate everything about it. I hate that statistically the thing most likely to kill me, is me. I hate that suicide is currently the biggest killer of men under 50 in the UK. Statistics are roughly 14 men a day. 98 a week. One every 90 minutes. I hate that one of those men, was my childhood best friend, Steve Yates.
But Steve wasn’t a number. He was a father. A son. A husband. And a friend.... my friend. He was an everyday, funny, generous - lovely bloke. The last bloke you’d have thought would kill himself. Yes he might struggle. But we all do. I never thought he would do something like that. But that’s the point. You can’t always tell those who are struggling.
Throughout our teens we were joined at the hip. You’d never see one without the other. We lived in each other’s pockets. We were brothers by another mother.
But as we grew older, and life got in the way - we began to drift. So, I only realised how bad his mental health really was when it was too late.
Steve had become so mentally unwell, that he thought the world was better off without him. Which of course is completely untrue.
“Then I read those statistics and decided I needed to channel my grief. I knew that I couldn’t go back. I had to go forward. I needed to help the next Steve.”
When Steve died, I like many others left behind, blamed myself. Why did he feel this way? What could I have done differently? How could I have stopped him? I spent 3 years asking these questions and getting no answers. Then I read those statistics and decided I needed to channel my grief. I knew that I couldn’t go back. I had to go forward. I needed to help the next Steve. To stop other families and friends feeling the way we did. Around that time I came across an article that said men of my age watch Sport and Documentaries... so I thought, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll make a film.
“Steve” is a positive documentary about male mental health. Real people. Real conversations. And most importantly Real solutions. For a year I travelled the country talking to amazing people, learning why it’s happening, and what we can do to stop it.
And this is when I met John. Chartered psychologist John Barry, who talked about a survey he did. How it looked at suicidality. And how the search for perfection added to this, in the sense that when people think things like ‘If I don’t have a top job, I’m totally useless’, it can put them under immense pressure. I could have chatted for hours and hours. I think we got two of them on camera. It, like the rest of the film, was about solutions, not just problems. Looking at tangible ways we can help ourselves.
Only days later I met rugby League international Danny Sculthorpe. Another beacon of good. Again, the knowledge flowed. He introduced me to the concept of “Mental Fitness.”
And as he did, a light bulb went on in my head. Most people, most men, say Mental health and think of the negative. Think of mental Ill health. Not that it’s a sliding scale like physical health. In fact, if you type “mental health” in Google images you have pictures of people with their heads in their hands in dark corners. If you do the same with “physical health” you get positive images of runners and yoga. We’ve created these. The algorithm is just following us. But if you reframe it as Mental fitness. You suddenly have a positive way to look at it. Mental fitness. Physical fitness. A scale that can go up and down. You can get mentally fit by talking and lightening the load. And if you’re mentally fit you can be mentally strong. Which is good for you and everyone around you. This became the corner stone of Talk Club. But it didn’t end there.
“…when a man doesn’t feel pushed into talking, when he can just sit there, watch the film - while cradling his pint, watching others open up - At the end he might just say..... “Yeah I feel that way too.” ”
As I was making it, I began to realise where I showed this film, was almost as important as what was in it. I needed to go to where the men are. So that’s what we did. We took it on a pub tour.
Premièring in Bristol in March 2019, we did 49 screening around the country before the covid lock down. Pubs, sports clubs, gyms, building sites -anywhere men naturally were. From Aberdeen to Falmouth. From Coutts (The Royal Bank) - to a Category B Prison. Each one very different. Each one sparking open conversations. Each one bigger than just the film. I found that pubs are the best. Yeah I know about the relationship between alcohol and depression. But men are in pubs. And when a man doesn’t feel pushed into talking, when he can just sit there, watch the film - while cradling his pint, watching others open up - At the end he might just say..... “Yeah I feel that way too.”
But once they are ready to open up, what then? This was the moment that changed my life. Where I could make a real difference. Turning Mental health Awareness into Mental Health Action.
What if we looked at prevention. Catching men up stream not waiting for them to be broken before we try to fix them. Most mental health charities concentrate on those moments of keeping people alive - but we all know prevention is better than a cure.
This is where mental fitness comes in.
Founded with 5 other people from the film. Talk Club was born.
It’s a positive talking and listening community for men to open up, be vulnerable and get mentally fit. All by asking “How are you? Out of 10?”
Everyone’s numbers different. Personal to them. One man’s 5 could be another man’s 7.
It’s just a technique. A way to own your mental state. But it works.
“I think our success has been our simplicity […] From creating a non-alcoholic beer called “Clearhead” […] to partnerships with Liam Gallagher and Tyson Fury”
In 4 years since our creation we now have 72 clubs around the world. We have created Talk & Move groups, such as Talk & Run, Talk & Football, Talk & Rugby and Talk & Skate. And we’ve also created Talk Club therapy. So, like a gym, no matter your mental health we can help you get mentally fit. And if you get mentally injured. We can help with that as well.
I think our success has been our simplicity and talking to men on their level. Being where men are. Where they feel comfortable. From creating a non-alcoholic beer called “Clearhead” and a coffee to get men talking (Talk Club 10 – take 10 minutes out and ask a friend (or yourself) – How are you? Out of 10? To partnerships with Liam Gallagher and Tyson Fury, (both Liam and Tyson released singles for us) to show your heroes want to be mentally fit as well. In fact, Liam took over our Twitter for an hour and told his fans how he looks after himself. Because no matter who you are if you are mentally fit, you will be mentally strong and if your mentally strong you are less likely to become mentally ill and less likely to take your own life.
And this May we’re going to try to use fundraising to actually be part of the solution.
Every charity needs to raise money to survive.
But we thought why not use it as opportunity to help raise “numbers” at the same time.
May is unfortunately one of the worst months for suicides in the UK.
It is said to be due to serotonin levels when people get the energy to complete.
(we lost Steve in May).
“I wish Steve was still with us and I wasn’t writing this now. But I can’t go back. I can only go forward. I can only try to help the next Steve.
So, how are you? Out of 10?”
So, we thought why not try to turn a negative into a positive.
And encourage men to get mentally fit, show them they are loved and hopefully reduce those statistics.
That’s what we created the world’s first “Mental Fitness Month” encouraging people to raise money and multiple events community throughout May.
From “Smiles for Miles” – in honour of Dr Miles Christie, who was a GP in London (and who took his own life in May)
To a troop of Bristol barbers running the Great Bristol Run (and loads of others in between).
Every penny raised will help men to get mentally fit.
From setting up more clubs, to putting men through Talk Club therapy.
I’m proud of what Talk Club has become. But I wish I hadn’t need to start it. I wish Steve was still with us and I wasn’t writing this now.
But I can’t go back. I can only go forward. I can only try to help the next Steve.
So, how are you? Out of 10? Thanks.
Join us TalkClub.org
Follow us:
Instagram:@TalkClubUK @STEVEDOCUMENTARY
Twitter: @TalkClubUK @SteveDoco + @benakers
Watch “Steve” stevedocumentary.com
“Too good for giving up” By Liam Gallagher
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ud0fBhTW7YM
“Sweet Caroline” by Tyson Fury
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVxPQ1XIWzA
Buy Clearhead
https://www.bristolbeerfactory.co.uk/products/clear-head
Buy Talk Club Ten Coffee
https://wogancoffee.com/products/talk-club
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Disclaimer: This article is for information purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, legal advice, or other professional opinion. Never disregard such advice because of this article or anything else you have read from the Centre for Male Psychology. The views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of, or are endorsed by, The Centre for Male Psychology, and we cannot be held responsible for these views. Read our full disclaimer here.
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