How the Manosphere led us to develop better mental health services for men
Image: Tribe meeting
In this article, I will present a case of an effective male-friendly mental health service that originated in Lithuania, where we have the highest suicide rate in the EU. Our team was inspired by best suicide prevention practices (e.g. ASIST training), recent developments in male psychology, and… the Manosphere.
Manosphere is a growing collection of online men's communities (forums, blogs, and video channels), where men gather to discuss their issues. Its origins are associated with the rise of the internet, when a lot of previously socially and emotionally isolated men could start communicating and “sharing notes” online. In the mainstream media, it is very hard to find a positive or neutral report about the Manosphere. Laura Bates, a leading feminist researcher of the Manosphere defines it as a “network of men's communities united by hatred of women.” Recently there was a huge discussion about how to protect young boys from the influence of Andrew Tate - who is one of the most recognisable personalities in the Manosphere. There is no doubt that there are radical, dangerous ideas being shared in this movement, but we also need to examine the needs of men who are drawn to the Manosphere.
“lots of men on the Manosphere openly discuss their social anxiety, self-esteem, sexual issues, parenting, relationship problems, vulnerability, discipline, depression, thoughts of suicide, and many other topics usually considered the kinds of topics best discussed in therapy.”
Although 84% of suicides in Lithuania are male, fewer men seek therapy than women do. It is a paradox: despite constant criticism, the Manosphere - unlike therapy mental health services - has no trouble attracting men. It’s important to note that the Manosphere is not all incels and pick-up artistry; lots of men on the Manosphere openly discuss their social anxiety, self-esteem, sexual issues, parenting, relationship problems, vulnerability, discipline, depression, thoughts of suicide, and many other topics usually considered the kinds of topics best discussed in therapy.
“men are driven [to the Manosphere] because they feel lonely, misunderstood and there is a lack of male-friendly services elsewhere.”
Why are men talking about their feelings on the Manosphere rather than in the therapy room? There seems to be a consensus between men’s rights activists and feminist writers around this question: men are driven there because they feel lonely, misunderstood and there is a lack of male-friendly services elsewhere. Some studies suggest that men like to talk in groups, such as community-based support groups. The peer-to-peer format seems especially attractive because it is less formal and has opportunities for men to also provide support rather than just receive it. That is very much compatible with the male gender script of being a protector, someone who supports others in his group. In this sense The Manosphere “provides” exactly these kinds of “services”: a collection of men's communities that work as a peer-to-peer support system.
“The sum of all the quality social links and relationships that a person has with others of his gender could be called a “Gender social fabric”. In contrast to women, men's social fabric today is greatly fragmented.”
The other important factor is that the Manosphere is essentially a male-only space. Research suggests that male-only groups might work better for men than mixed-sex groups. We have a theory of why this is so important. Every one of us has unique gendered experiences and life challenges. Good enough relationships with others of our gender help us mirror our experiences, understand and integrate them. This results in a successful and positive development of our gender identity and well-being. The sum of all the quality social links and relationships that a person has with others of his gender could be called a “Gender social fabric”. In contrast to women, men's social fabric today is greatly fragmented. A lot of us are isolated from the inner lives of other men, the public's negative bias towards masculinity discourages a lot of men from exploring their gender identity and in turn, a lot of men struggle to develop that identity into something positive and effective. This results in difficulties adapting to gender-specific life challenges and psychological pain. The Manosphere can be seen as a grass-roots attempt to restore the men's social fabric and establish a space to reflect male gender identity. Unexpectedly, the format of these communities might also have a therapeutic potential.
That said, the fact remains that there are very serious problems with the Manosphere currently: it is an underground movement, where many traumatised men gather and try to coach each other without professional supervision. The incentives to capture an audience on the internet motivate some Manosphere content creators to make growingly outlandish claims that are aggressive and negative. This makes it a fertile ground and echo chamber for radical ideas.
“Today there is a lack of open respectful discussion about men's well-being in psychology and mainstream media, while in general Manosphere groups view masculinity positively. That is why men flock to these spaces”
However, you cannot simply “cancel” something as big as the Manosphere. It seems that we need some kind of combination of psychology and the positive aspects of the Manosphere working together to create a more appealing approach to men's mental health. Today there is a lack of open respectful discussion about men's well-being in psychology and mainstream media, while in general Manosphere groups view masculinity positively. That is why men flock to these spaces, even if they don't always receive the best help they need there. Thus, psychology needs to actively engage men drawn to the Manosphere and start a dialogue.
In 2020, my colleagues and I started TRIBES: a project providing men's mental health services that are high-quality, affordable, and most importantly inspiring to men. Why did we start it? A few years ago we didn’t know each other. We were men in our late 20s who felt a painful confusion around our gender roles and direction in life. Therapy has not given us enough answers, so like many others we found relative refuge in the Manosphere (YouTube and Reddit). Independently from each other, we came to the same realisation - we were emotionally isolated from other men and felt deep hunger to talk about our unique male experiences e.g. male sexuality and masturbation, how to express emotions and vulnerability, courtship and dating women, stereotypes (“Man up!”) and counter-stereotypes (“masculinity is bad!”) etc. With this realisation, our paths crossed and the six of us formed our men's circle which we called “the Tribe”. We would meet regularly and share our stories, support each other, and look for answers. Personally, in that group, I managed to reach deeper vulnerability than in traditional therapy. After a couple of years, it was evident (to us and our friends) that having a “Tribe” of men benefited us greatly. We were more in touch with our emotions, assertive, and when one of us experienced a crisis (often involving relationships with women), he went through it easier. We had our safety net. With that, we were more confident to take initiative and be creative in our lives.
With this new-found confidence we wanted to help prevent men's suicides in our home country. Lithuania has the highest suicide rate in the EU and 84% of suicides are committed by men. I was already working as a clinical psychologist and ASIST trainer. Thus, I combined my personal experiences (confusion around male identity, the Manosphere, and attending a “Tribe”) with professional insight into male suicides. My colleagues and I felt that a national network of male “Tribes” could work. It would combine the male-friendly approach seen in the Manosphere with high-quality standards of psychology. Our ambition was to create the type of services for men that they would not only use, but would openly and proudly demonstrate their participation. So in 2020, a project called TRIBES was launched.
What are these TRIBES? We create quality peer-to-peer groups for men (each consists of 6-10 men and is called a Tribe) and also provide a wider community where men from different Tribes discuss, network, and participate in men's mental health and personal development events. We train non-professional group facilitators who then kick-start a new group of men using our standardised program. In their Tribe, men are focused on doing “inner emotional work”. What’s unique about our model is that after the initial 8 weekly standardised meetings with our facilitator, the groups become fully prepared to function independently. This has two very important outcomes. First, men are stimulated to be active participants in their personal development (instead of more passive consumers of services), a role that most men enjoy. And second, our groups become very affordable and scalable because, after the initial 8 weeks with our facilitator, the Tribe meets independently for free. To date, 86% of all the independent Tribes are still regularly meeting and our wider community gives them additional support when needed.
“Using the WHO-5 Well-Being index, our participants reported a 30% improvement in their wellbeing during the first two months in our program.”
Image: TRIBES festival
Within the first three years, TRIBES has grown exponentially and more than 1700 men ages from 18 to 65 years old have joined in all across Lithuania and abroad. Prior to this, you could hardly find a psychological group for men in Lithuania, but just within the last year we formed 87 new men's groups, and our annual TRIBES summer festival attracted more than 400 men and their sons to focus on their mental health. A lot of these men are openly proud that they participate in these activities. In Lithuania, a country with a population of only 2.8 million, this is an unheard-of cultural shift. Using the WHO-5 Well-Being index, our participants reported a 30% improvement in their wellbeing during the first two months in our program. We credit part of our success to the fact that we understand why men are motivated to join various men’s communities (including the Manosphere) in the first place.
By no means does our project encompass all the services men need. However, TRIBES is a low-threshold community-based psychological service tailored for men. For a lot of men, our groups are a starting point to socialise, open up, build emotional competence and non-violent communication skills. For most - this is enough. From there, we can guide men who need additional support to more specialised services (e.g. counselling). Currently, we are developing a specialised methodology for working with trauma in a peer-to-peer group format, because we found that men are open to exploring this topic. Interestingly, Some of the men in our programs are also active in the Manosphere. Most of them are open and curious rather than radical or dangerous. And for those with more radical viewpoints (e.g. extreme distrust in women), our community helps them to reconsider their ideas and work on underlying issues safely.
Men have unique gender experiences and challenges that can be more easily reflected with members of their gender, however many men today lack access to positive, deep relationships with other men. That is one of the reasons why the Manosphere has such momentum. Most men want and can really help other men. Quality peer-to-peer men's support groups (such as TRIBES) can help in bringing forward a better alternative to the Manosphere and help men have a positive impact within their communities. We are confident that this change is already in motion and are excited to be part of it.
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Disclaimer: This article is for information purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, legal advice, or other professional opinion. Never disregard such advice because of this article or anything else you have read from the Centre for Male Psychology. The views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of, or are endorsed by, The Centre for Male Psychology, and we cannot be held responsible for these views. Read our full disclaimer here.
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